Learning to Communicate Is Learning to Lead
By: Candy Velez, CRDH, BSDH, IGNITEDDS Dental Hygiene Coach
In dentistry, and honestly in most professions, we are often told that leadership flows from the top down. But some of the most meaningful leadership does not come from a title. It comes from how we handle the conversations others avoid.
Key points about leadership and communication:
- Leadership is not just about speaking up; it is about how we speak up.
- Avoiding a conversation rarely protects a culture. Silence may feel easier in the moment, but usually creates tension over time.
- As Jon Gordon says, “Where there is a void in communication, negativity will fill it.”
- Speaking up without awareness can create just as much damage as staying silent.
Learning to communicate well, clearly, intentionally, and with consideration for the person on the other side is one of the most foundational leadership skills we can develop.
This blog is part of a coaching series designed to empower people to have constructive conversations. Leadership does not require a title; it requires courage, clarity, and emotional maturity.
The Old Approach: Charging In Head-First
I will share a personal lesson that shaped how I lead and communicate today.
- I have always been full of passion, especially when I strongly believe in something.
- Early in my dental career, I was usually the first to address any issue, backed by research, conviction, and a genuine desire to make things better.
- If something was not right, I did not hesitate. I went straight to the source, ready to explain a different perspective and advocate for change.
In truth, I gathered the facts because I did not want to leave any room for dispute. I showed up like a lawyer walking into court: case files organized, arguments airtight, fully prepared to win. Often, I would arrive first thing in the morning armed with everything I wanted to say and every reason I believed I was right.
What I learned quickly: having the right message does not guarantee the best outcome.
- My concerns were valid.
- My intentions were good.
- But my passion, while well-placed, often made conversations emotionally charged, leaving little consideration for timing or delivery.
At that point in my career, I had not yet considered how the other person best received information or when they were most open to hearing it.
The Part I Overlooked: How I Was Making Someone Else Feel
Let me paint a picture of what this felt like for my dentist:
- He thrived on having a moment to prepare.
- When I rushed in first thing in the morning with all my talking points, it left him feeling frazzled, caught off guard before he even had time to look at his schedule for the day.
From my perspective, I was being proactive. From his perspective, he was being ambushed, which only created stress, not resolution.
The change that worked:
- I did not need to be less honest.
- I did not need to stop bringing up concerns.
- I needed to use a different approach:
- Provide an outline of what we need to discuss
- Schedule a meeting
- Stick to bullet points while bringing solutions
Being willing to adjust my approach to communication changed everything.
Over time, I became the person others would come to when they felt timid, overwhelmed, or unsure how to bring something up. People would say:
- “He listens to you.”
- “He talks to you.”
They asked if I could help communicate their message, not because I had all the answers, not because I was perfect, but because I learned to deliver conversations in a way that felt safe, respectful, and solution-focused.
Understanding the Human on the Other Side
People are far more receptive when we take the time to understand their preferred communication style.
Examples of communication preferences:
- Some people need time to process.
- Some prefer structure.
- Some want solutions alongside concerns.
When we fail to consider the person on the other side of the conversation, even the most important conversations can fall flat.
Key insight: when we meet people at their best, communication becomes less about control and more about connection, collaboration, and resolution.
Ask yourself:
- Have you ever said, “Thatโs just how I communicate”?
- Has a conversation with good intent not landed the way you wanted?
Saying, “Thatโs just how I communicate,” without considering how the other person experiences it, is a major misstep in leadership.
Leadership is not just about speaking up. It is about delivering a message in a way that can actually be received and acted upon.
If Speaking Up Feels Hard
If you tend to hold things in, hereโs what to remember: your voice matters.
Leadership is not reserved for the loudest person in the room. It also lives in the quiet, thoughtful team member who:
- Notices what is not working
- Cares enough to want better
You do not need to be perfectly confident or flawless in your words. You just have to be willing to speak up.
Steps to start communicating effectively:
- Write things down:
- What you are noticing
- What concerns you
- What you believe could improve
- Edit your notes:
- Remove emotional language
- Keep clarity and let your notes guide you
- Ask for a short, scheduled conversation:
- Example: “Iโd love to share something Iโve been thinking about.”
Remember:
- Choosing not to stay silent is leadership.
- You do not need a title to lead.
- Leading from where you are means choosing engagement over avoidance and growth over comfort.
That choice, made consistently, changes everything.
