By: Dr. Eric Recker
Check out this scenario. You have had a day. Again. They seem to be happening more frequently, and it is getting harder to keep them to yourself. You are starting to realize you are at least a little bit fried, and you aren’t quite sure what to do about it.
You get in your car and drive home, pausing before you turn the car off to take a deep breath. As you walk in the door, you are greeted by your spouse, significant other, roommate, or child, with the question you have heard a thousand times, “How was your day?”
You unload. The truth is you can’t help it. Everything bad that happened today is suddenly spewed out in what can only be called a tirade.
The tone is set for the night in the first two minutes. You wonder how it ever got to this point and have no idea what to do about it.
Sound familiar?
The reality is that this happens every single day in millions of homes across the U.S. and the world.
- Dentistry is hard.
- Owning a business is hard.
- Managing people is hard.
We are exhausted, and sometimes we can’t help it. We are overwhelmed and have no idea how to move forward.
Our overwhelm does not excuse us for the ways we unload on others. There is a difference between sharing our day and unloading it from our shoulders only to drop it on theirs.
Here is my reality.
I am a naturally negative person. It is easy to be that way. Everywhere we look is negativity. The more we feed it, the worse we are. I am quite confident that my wife had a mental routine she would go through before I came home. She would put on some kind of invisible armor and then brace herself for the verbal tirade as I walked in the door.
What had I just done? Transferred the weight from my shoulders to hers. Not cool. It was a strain on our marriage. What if there is a better way?
I rewired my brain, and so can you. I discovered I had been way too fixated on the losses of the day, such as a grumpy patient, a high-maintenance team member, a lab case that was late, or a patient who failed their appointment. You know this- it is easy to find negativity in our offices if we are looking for it. I wasn’t focusing on wins.
I started tracking my wins throughout the day by writing them down. Things like a great conversation with a team member or a patient, a patient compliment, a great review, a great co-diagnosis session with a hygienist, a deep breath at lunch. Turns out there are a lot more wins than losses in the day.
We just aren’t looking for them.
Then, at the end of the day, I take five minutes and think of the losses I faced during the day.
For each loss, I ask this question:
What can I LEARN from it?
If I can learn from it, it becomes less of a loss and more of a win. Then I take two more minutes and write down three wins from the day.
When I get home, I am much more likely to share the wins. We discuss losses when necessary, but I have often processed them so they don’t loom as large.
Do me a favor, if you are struggling with negativity, try this. It’s a game-changer if you stick with it. Can you imagine the difference when you walk in the door? Do me a favor- let me know how it works for you AND for your family!
Photo by Christina Morillo
